Sunday, January 25, 2009

scottish breakfast tea. [settled]

I have almost updated this a number of times in the last week or so, but haven't quite have the determination, or the words to say anything. I wouldn't necessarily say that I have either of those at this point in time, but I thought if I sat down and tried to write something inspiring might flow from my fingertips and end up here.
Now that I've gotten settled back into my life in the US, I've discovered a number of things:
1. It's really hard to find a decent job, even with a degree.
2. Everyone assumes that I want to be a pastor when I tell them my major, and then proceed to tell me that maybe Bible and Religion wasn't the best major to choose now that I'm in "the real world."
3. School was a great distraction, and I miss it a bit.
4. I really want to live in the UK.
5. I really want to work on my novel, but something is holding me back, and I'm not sure what it is.
6. I avoid confrontation, contrary to what some may believe or what my attitude sometimes tends to exude.

I really only want to address one of those six points, because frankly I don't have any answers or sentiments that I want to express here about any of the others. I did not go to college to get a job. If had done that I would have gone to a tech school, and gotten a degree specific to what I want to do. Since I really don't know exactly what I want to do (still), that would have been silly of me. I went to college to learn, period. I went to college to broaden my mind, and stretch my intellect. I decided that I wanted to learn about this religion I claim as my own, so that I can not only answer my own questions, but my family's, my friends', a stranger's and eventually my kids'. Now I really can claim this religion as my own, not just following blindly and unquestioningly because my parents told me it was true. I don't find anything wrong with what I did with my college career, and I don't regret anything at all about what I chose to major in, or not major in. I may be having a hard time finding a job, but so is the next person who majored in Business or Biology. The difference I find in myself is that I know that my God will provide for me, even if it takes a while. I'm surviving, and I'm learning life lessons that I may not otherwise have learned if I had it easy. So, while I'm frustrated and wishing Jeremy and I could just be comfortable and not worry about money, I know that we are experiencing life below the poverty level so that we know that we can survive, and live comfortably--not comfortable to some standards--but comfortable enough. I'd rather rely on God than my own resources because I know that if He's in charge, He will bring me what I need, and keep me on my toes, and keep me learning--even though I'm not in school anymore. It's not easy, and I'm not happy with it all the time, but I know that if we can appreciate what we have now, how much more will we appreciate the blessings that will come later. Or you know what? If they never come, I know that I can live like this; content with being able to answer people's questions about my faith, and living below the poverty line with my husband and our ever-loyal spaniel. Things work out the way that they should, and it's our job to be content with them, even when we think we're not.

Content (most of the time),

Caitlin

6 comments:

Amethyst said...

You should definitely meet my parents :)
We've never had money in my family, but my mum and my da have always ALWAYS trusted the Lord so sincerely. It didn't matter if there was fifty dollars in the bank account and my da didn't get paid til next week---they trusted God to provide, and He always did, in better ways than we could have hoped. As silly as it sounds, all that matter ultimately was that we were together, and we loved each other. And you and Jeremy and Cael have that too! Life is more than money.
(though I don't deny whatsoever how nice it is to have money to buy shoooooes!!!)
Invite me over any time and I'll fund a grand banquet with my illicit diamond money (as Phil has always called my salary from the jewelry store).
I love you!
Oh, and I started Heir to Sevenwaters last night at about 8, and finished it this morning at 2:20am. We'll talk.

Kristi said...

People have a hard time believing that you don't necessarily want your job to define you.
Maybe you do, maybe you don't. But it is okay to have a job to pay bills and enjoy life outside and disconnected from that job. As long as you are happy, that is what matters.

EVERYONE is having a hard time right now getting a job. And the truth is, most people in careers didn't use their major to get that job. They used other impressive skills, or connections, or something else to prove that they are able to be hired. There is just a weird state right now where jobs were promised to us if we went to college and got a degree, and those jobs aren't there.

My plan is to hide out in grad school until the economy improves.

Laura Rebecca said...

I love you. And I love the fact that you understand that this is all about more than having the "right major" to get the "good job." I'm glad you went to college to study what you want to learn. More people should do that.

And I may not be able to fund a grand banquet with illicit money, but if you come visit my church some Sunday, I can promise you an amazingly delicious homemade meal from my mother. :)

hGb said...

loved this post!I'm glad you didn't go to a tech school or I would've missed out on the greatest neighbor EVER!! The Lord's faithfulness is written all over you!

swimray05 said...

haha life's hard, huh? I love to read your blogs too, I feel like we're kind of in the same crossroad. Minus some minor details (graduated/married) haha. Congrats on graduation by the way, (oh, and the marriage too, but you already know that.) I'm prolly going to end up writing a novel, but I'll be as succint as possible. I wish I had some inspiring words of wisdom for you, unfortunately, you've read my blog, and....I don't. haha. but It sounds like you're on the right track, and I say that because anyone who is inward thinking, and questioning themselves, and their meaning, their relationship with themselves, with God, with religion (i just recently found out their not one and the same), is to me so much further ahead than they realize. My mom keeps telling me things will fall into place, or God will put them in place, but I know its so hard to believe sometimes. I love your writing, and don't rush the novel, I've learned those things come no easily than love. And my favorite tea is Green Ginger and Earl Grey (which my boyfriend constantly harasses me about). Oh, and they should def. meet. Wanna get together and take a "road trip" to England? Scottland is lovely too. Or Wales. Let's go :)

HFR said...

I can wait to read your novel.
Thank you for the suggestions for books to read. I will be taking you up on those.

I have chosen you for the Honest Scrap Award!

Go to my blog to check it out!