Thursday, February 26, 2009

black currant black tea. [missing him]

Jeremy is in South Carolina this whole week, as well as the weeks to come, doing stone masonry with Bill Gautsch, the stone mason he's worked with so many times before. He is to come home on the weekends, and return to the rock pile the following early Monday morning. This is the first week of my month of lonely, and I have to admit it has been rather trying. I do not enjoy climbing into a cold bed that is usually warmed by my space heater of a husband, and having to fall asleep knowing he's not beside me. It's hard, but I know it is necessary to aid our financial stability, and I know that Jeremy is probably having a harder time than I am. He's the one that gets up and is at the job site laying heavy rock a little after sun-up every morning, until sun-down every evening. He's working so hard for us, and I am so proud of his strength and diligence--he's an amazing husband, and I miss him so. Though this is hard, I know it is good for us in ways besides the financial. It strengthens our bond as husband and wife, and also helps each of us appreciate the other so much more. It has been hard not seeing him, but as corny as this sounds, our hearts have not be separated. Anyone who is married will understand what I mean. I miss his physically, but he never left me spiritually--and I take comfort in that.
Here is another poem that I wrote in lieu of his absence and my cold nature without him.

Cold Feet

No second guesses, just cold extremities
Lying alone in this bed for two.
Miles away, my love toils with rock and stone,
The way I feel when he’s away.
Stone cold without his warmth—
Though not nearly as stalwart.
Comforted knowing he thinks upon me,
Toiling with rock and stone for my sake,
For my comfort—he provides.
Hearts never separated, no matter the distance.
But the lack of his warm embrace still painfully tangible.
His strength keeps me strong, and his love keeps me able
To soldier on, to keep my head above the weighing water
Pressing heavy and menacing against my fragile demeanor.
Breathing deep, thinking of him—
I put on woolen socks to temper the chill
Until my love returns with his warmth,
Fortifying my fractured bulwark with his own stony strength.
The only remedy from my wintry solitude.

Missing my other half,



Amethyst said...

How sad to be without your handsome husband :(
Your poem, as always, is a complete stunner. How do you manage to write with such stark honesty, and yet NEVER fall into platitudes?
I think it is untrue, however, that you have a cold nature when you're without him. I think perhaps your own heart feels cold without him, but it also melts a little and you get a wee bit sweeter and fragile.
Your dear husband, toiling with rock and stone for your sake, for your comfort. What a good fellow he is, and what a confident lass you are.

Oh, and I still have his keys. If you guys need them this weekend, let me know haha!

Laura Rebecca said...

I love your writing. Just FYI, in case I haven't mentioned that lately. And what's more, I love you.

bookishme said...

Caitlee, I am praying for you and for Jeremy. I know how it feels to be without the one you love- I just wish I could write beautiful poetry like you!
My feet are cold too...