Saturday, April 11, 2009

english afternoon tea. [remembering]

Yesterday was a rough day for me. Yet again I had to drive two or so hours down to South Carolina to pick up Jeremy and bring him home, which I usually don't mind because, well, he's coming home, and the last couple weeks I've been able to drive down there during the day. I really don't like driving that much, but especially not at night, nor when it's raining. So when it's raining at night and I have to drive down there I am stressed the entire time.
Yesterday, I went down during the day but it was during that storm that blew through the area. The first part of the trip wasn't that treacherous, it was during a calm and slight sunny part of the storm. While I was driving I was eating apple slices and dipping them in peanut butter as a snack, which is my new favorite, but I couldn't help but pondering upon my stupidity at driving and eating a snack not so conducive to safe driving. I began to think about Ryan, my friend who was killed in a car accident about 40 days ago. I began thinking of her when it was sunny and calm, and I not being as careful as I should be driving--especially after someone close to me was taken that way. I couldn't keep my mind away from the fact that she had so much going for her when she died, and that I am so blessed to still be here--and here I am driving on a busy highway, going 70 miles per hour while precariously steering with my knee as I eat apple slices and lick peanut butter off my fingers. Idiotic? Yes. Thinking about what Ryan was taken from, and what I was risking, I broke down and cried for a good part of the drive. Then the rain and misty weather descended upon the highway again as I drove down the mountain into upstate South Carolina. The kind of weather Ryan had been driving in when she hydroplaned off that early morning road. Continuing to think about her, I hydroplaned myself in some still water on the road. I regained control of the car with no trouble, but that split second of locked tires, and the deep resonating noise that the act of hydroplaning resonates in your car, hit me hard again. I couldn't stop it, nor did I try very hard--but I began to cry again for the loss of my friend.
And as if I hadn't had enough reminder of everything that rainy afternoon, while I was driving through Traveler's Rest, SC, I passed a funeral procession. I felt my loss heavily yesterday, and that sensation comes and goes as I live from day to day. Ryan's was a kindred spirit, and I know I speak for everyone that knew her when I say, her loss is a wound not easily healed. But also, during this holiday that we are in the midst of, as we celebrate life and the gift Jesus Christ bought for us with His blood, I remember that she is free from these earthy bonds and is alive in a way that we here on earth cannot even imagine. I feel that at least during this time, I should celebrate the life that she did have and the part of it in which I was blessed to have.
We are blessed to have the time that we do here in this life, and that we owe to what Jesus accomplished in His death and resurrection. Remember why we celebrate this holiday, and believe that He is in control of our lives and at work within our hearts in all that happens to us, joy and sorrow.

I've added a new Song of the Week. I was listening to this song as I drove yesterday, and the lyrics reminded me of Ryan and the way I am feeling about all that has happened.


Caitlin

3 comments:

bookishme said...

Love you. Praying for you. Missing you.

Laura Rebecca said...

There are two endcaps at work, in the fiction section, side by side---one completely of Bernard Cornwell and the other of Philippa Gregory. So I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you and I love you.

Laura Rebecca said...

By the way, recently I'll come check your blog and then just leave the page up while I go check other sites, just to listen to the song again and again. I really like it. :)