Sunday, June 28, 2009

thinking and nieces & nephews.

I'm taking a break on the tea posts for a while. I think the prospect of a mandatory cup of tea every time I wrote in my blog was keeping me from writing as often as I'd like. I'd rather be writing without tea and changing my theme a bit, than only writing when I felt like brewing and enjoying a steaming cup and keeping up my clever blog theme. So here is another post less than a week after my previous--I'm doing better already, eh?
I've had some time off in the last week, which has allowed me to do some thinking. Which can be a good and a bad thing for me. The good is that I am able to have some time to myself which allows me to reconnect to what really matters, and I can sort things out that need to be sorted. The bad is that I can tend to become stressed out about things that need not be fretted over, which causes my mood to darken a bit as I become worried and dwell on the negative ifs of my future. During this thinking time the good and the bad have been pretty equal, I haven't been elated at the things I've been thinking about but I haven't been utterly depressed either. I think what I'm mostly been is just anxious. Anxious about my job and Jeremy's job, and our lack of financial stability, and the big plans that we have for next year and whether or not they'll come to fruition, and I'm anxious about God's provision to be completely honest. Not that he won't provide, I know He will--He always does, but more about the manner of His provision. I have to admit, I just desire for His plans to be my plans--I want everything to work out exactly how I imagine it. But I know that it must be the other way around, I must desire for my plans to be His. He knows me better than I know myself, and I know He's got everything planned out for me in a better way and more glorifying to Him--I just need to trust Him. I pray that I begin to do so. God's got it, He's going to take care of everything--it's not up to me, and that's so much more comforting than thinking that in order for everything to go right I have to do it myself. I'm glad God's got my back, for lack of a better phrase.
Today was my nephew Dimitri's birthday, and seeing all my nieces and nephews really helped me put things into perspective. Watching their faith in their parents, knowing that Mommy and Daddy will take care of them, I realized that the 'child-like faith' I've known about since forever is such a rich possession. Even more so than their parents take care and know what's best for them, my Father in Heaven has me in His powerful embrace. So, happy birthday Dimitri, and thanks for helping teach me a lesson I should have learned years ago. I pray that I don't forget it.

Here are my beautiful nieces and nephews:

First, Dimitri--because it's his birthday and he never gets to go first.

Eve, she's the oldest and quite the little drama queen.

Eden, the emo child--looking actually remarkably happy in this photo.

And Ariel, the youngest (until Seren is born any minute), she'll beguile you with those eyes, then get into something she's not supposed to.

Always learning,



Amethyst said...

very thoughtful... I adore the inside of your head.

Laura Rebecca said...

Everything you said about God and his plans and waiting and wondering and...yeah. Believe me, I get it. And I love you.

bookishme said...

You are an inspiration to me. I need to learn that lesson too.
Thank you.
I love you.